Key things to consider in Polyamory
Polyamory is the practice or philosophy of having multiple romantic or sexual relationships simultaneously, with the consent of all parties involved. It differs from traditional monogamous relationships, where individuals are typically committed to only one partner at a time. In polyamorous relationships, individuals may have deep emotional connections and romantic involvement with multiple people. Central to polyamory is the emphasis on consent, communication, and honesty among all partners.
Rules in a polyamorous relationship can vary greatly depending on the individuals involved and their specific agreements. However, here are some common guidelines or principles that are often followed in polyamorous relationships:
Communication
In polyamorous relationships, communication isn’t just about discussing logistical details or scheduling; it’s about openly sharing emotions, fears, and desires. Partners should create a safe space where they can express themselves without fear of judgment. This might involve regular check-ins, setting aside dedicated time for deep conversations, actively listening to each other’s perspectives and being involved in activities and experiences together. All partners should communicate with one another regularly, whether living together or not. Communication is central to understanding all the feelings of all people involved.
Consent
To give one’s consent is to agree to saying “yes”. Consent is key to a successful polyamorous relationship. Within your consent, you agree to share yourself and allow your partner(s) to share themselves with each other or like-minded people. Beyond simply agreeing to engage in new relationships or activities, consent in polyamorous relationships often involves ongoing conversations about comfort levels and boundaries. This could mean regularly revisiting agreements as relationships evolve, always checking in with partners before pursuing new connections, and respecting each other’s decisions to say no or withdraw consent at any time.
Respect
Respect is defined as “due regard for the feelings, wishes, rights, or worth of others.” Respect in polyamorous relationships extends not only to partners but also to metamours (the partners of one’s partners who are not themselves romantically or sexually involved with each other). It involves acknowledging each person’s autonomy and honoring their choices, even if they differ from your own preferences. This might include refraining from making assumptions about others’ motivations or feelings and actively seeking to understand and validate their perspectives. As with all relationships, the lack of respect toward each other will spell doom for its continuation. Honoring one another is a cornerstone of respect.
Transparency
Transparency is about being open about everything, it’s being forthcoming and honest about one’s relationships and interactions. Hiding or not disclosing one’s relationships and interactions usually is considered deceit. For a polyamorous relationship to work, openness about every transaction that involves another romantically is required. This could mean openly discussing feelings for other partners, disclosing any changes in relationship dynamics, and sharing relevant information about scheduling conflicts or commitments. It’s about building trust through honesty and avoiding secrecy or deception.
Equality
While each relationship within a polyamorous dynamic is unique, the principle of equality emphasizes that no one partner should be prioritized or favored over others. Everyone involved is treated in the same way. This might involve ensuring that each partner receives adequate time, attention, and emotional support, and actively addressing any imbalances. It’s about fostering a sense of fairness and equity among all involved. Yes, we all are different and have differences in the way we like to spend time and activity, being ploy is about understanding this and actively adjusting yourself to your partners needs equally.
Time Management
One of the most important tools in successful polyamorous relationships is time management. Effective time management is essential in polyamorous relationships to ensure that each partner feels valued and respected. It is essential that you manage your time with your partners according to the arrangements that you have agreed to. Being honest about the time that you actually have to share is crucial. Don’t forget that you are still an individual and that we sometimes need time alone, it is important not to overextend yourself. Spontaneity will come up, but having a fixed schedule with your partners works best because all that are involved will know what is happening and when. This might involve using tools like shared calendars or scheduling apps to coordinate time together, setting aside dedicated “date nights” with each partner, and being flexible and understanding when unexpected conflicts arise.
Safer Sex Practices
Given the potential for multiple sexual partners, practicing safer sex is crucial to minimize the risk of sexually transmitted infections (STIs) and protect everyone’s health and well-being. It is very important that when a polycule is created that the members of it stay within it sexually. If one person goes outside of their polycule and contracts something there is a high chance that they could give it to every other partner. Using barrier methods such as condoms or dental dams, regularly getting tested for STIs, and openly discussing sexual health with all partners is a good idea. When building your polycule, having new partners tested prior to any sexual activity would greatly reduce the risk of introducing any STIs to your polycule.
Boundaries
Establishing and respecting boundaries is fundamental in human relationships let alone polyamorous relationships to ensure that everyone feels safe and comfortable. Boundaries are limits that are set by each person for others not to cross to avoid disrespect and disagreement. When we stay within the boundaries that are set then successful relationships usually develop. Doing things like setting limits on physical intimacy, defining emotional boundaries, and discussing preferences or triggers related to specific activities or relationships helps. Respecting boundaries demonstrates care and consideration for each person’s needs and limits.
Conflict Resolution
Disagreements and conflicts are inevitable in any relationship, and polyamorous dynamics are no exception. However, resolving conflicts in a healthy and constructive manner is essential to maintain trust and connection. Staying open-minded is crucial when you are in relation with multiple people. Having conflict with someone isn’t necessarily a bad thing, it is a human thing though. Reducing conflict can be achieved in many different ways. Being humble is one of the best. Humility is just the act of putting another first, to ensure another’s wellbeing. Other conflict reducing practices are active listening, expressing feelings without blame or judgment, and working together to find mutually satisfactory solutions.
Self-awareness
Self-awareness is key to navigating the complexities of polyamorous relationships. It involves understanding one’s own needs, desires, securities and insecurities, as well as recognizing how these factors may influence interactions with partners. Cultivating self-awareness can lead to more authentic communication, greater empathy towards others, and healthier relationship dynamics overall. Understanding oneself is sometimes the most difficult thing that one can do but it also can be one of the most rewarding. By doing this you not only serve yourself in a better way but also others.
While polyamory relationships challenge societal norms around monogamy, it’s based on the belief that love and intimacy are not finite (limited) resources and that individuals can experience meaningful connections with multiple people simultaneously. It’s important to note that these rules are not exhaustive and may vary from relationship to relationship. The key is for partners to discuss and agree upon the guidelines that work best for them, with a focus on mutual respect, trust, and communication.
I am the creator of The Unity Faith, a new religious and spiritual idea that is designed for modern people with modern beliefs. The Unity Faith is not a branch or sect from some other established or traditional religion but a new practice that allows for all to enjoy a spiritual faith without feeling gilt because of personal lifestyle decisions. Whether you believe in God, the universal force, or just human existence or whether you are straight, LGBTQ+ or other we are all one here and share in our love for each other.
